(no subject)

[xp_tarot]

I don't know who to be angry at first. Whoever those people were, the person who sent them here, myself, God, Professor Xavier, the teachers, my parents...

I am not going to be able to sleep. Not for a very long time. I am not going to bother Dr. McCoy for medicine to help, because he is busy.

I can't stop crying, I can't stop shaking, and I am so mad that I cannot see right anymore.

There were someone's brains in my hair, because someone shot them in the head. I don't even know who shot them or whose brains they were, only, I know it wasn't any of us, because no one is dead.

I still can't stop feeling it. Blood and ... blood. A lot of blood.

I can't stop seeing Angelo on fire. Over and over and over. I saw it. I saw it a month ago, and I didn't really say because I didn't want to believe it was true.
Why can't this be just another stupid useless pretty pictures power? I never wanted this!

Now what do I do?

... someone help? Please? I don't know what to do with this. Why me?

Comments

[x-cypher.livejournal.com]

Angie? First things first. If you aren't getting those sleeping medications from Dr. McCoy, I am. You need to be able to sleep. Second, after you sleep, do you want to talk? We talked a little bit before about the dreams, but this is obviously turning into something bigger. Trust me, I know what not talking about things can do.

And...thank you for smacking some sense into me earlier today. I appreciate it.

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

I slept all day.

I do not think sleep is coming for many hours.

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

Talking would be good.

I look a mess though.

[x-cypher.livejournal.com]

I'm not in the best shape myself, Angie. It's okay. And if you're sure about the sleep, then okay. I'd like to think I've learned my lesson about pushing people, and not being able to solve everything. But if the sleep thing continues to be a problem, go see Dr. McCoy, please?

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

I will.

.. I think I should eat, only I might toss up.

[x-cypher.livejournal.com]

Do you want me to find some crackers and ginger ale? Those are easier to keep down.

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

I think I should come down.

[x-cypher.livejournal.com]

Okay. I'm in the kitchen. Can't sleep either. :-/

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

...

probably not as bad as others though.

sorry about all the comments.

[x-rahne.livejournal.com]

*hugs gingerly*

For real if you'll let me.

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

Hugs are good.

I think I don't smell like blood anymore either.

....

[x-rahne.livejournal.com]

I don't mind that much if you do unless you're hurt.

I don't think I can taste it anymore either.

Re: ....

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

I'm not hurt, not in a big way anyway. Some brusises, and scrapes on my wrists.

Are you going to be okay?

[x-shinobi.livejournal.com]

I know you've already been talking to the Professor and Doctor Mactaggart about your dreams, but you might consider talking with Emma, too. I don't know, I guess I just have a feeling in my gut that she could help. Or it might just be the worry, but hey, may as well suggest anyway, right?

You can add my name to the no-doubt large list of people you cna get a hug from if you need one, poppet. I'll be 'round.

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

It cannot hurt to talk to her.

I think I may be doing a lot of talking over the next many days.

[x-rogue.livejournal.com]

Why you? There's no answer to that, not even the shit about God only giving us only what we can handle. What you do now is you don't panic. After that, you deal with it.

You take what they give you to sleep and you try and eat and you take as many showers as you have to and you find someone to hug you when you need it. That's the first thing.

No, actually, realizing that you did your best in a shitty situation and came out alive is the first thing. If you can't say that to yourself, I will. "Marie-Ange, you did and are still doing amazingly well in a bad situation. You did everything right with the information and skills that you had, and I'm proud of you." Repeat as necessary, because it's true. That's thing number one. Then go back up to the previous instructions.

Whenever you're ready, you start working on learning and doing whatever it is you need to do to feel safe and strong. There's people here to help you with that, too. I know how you feel. After all the horribleness I went through this fall, I felt exactly the same way. "I don't want this, why me, what will I do, I can't take all this, make it stop, can't I go back, help me, anyone." I don't feel that way too often anymore. You're really going to be okay. It'll just take some time and effort, and that's not fair, but you can do it.

You know where I am if you need me, right? You can bug me any time if you want company or want to get out of the house for a while. I'm good to drive.

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

Is it okay if I already paniced?

I do feel a little better. I talked to Doug, and I think that I will be doing a lot of talking this week. No more trying to pretend it will go away, no more avoiding it.

My head is all full of things to do, to ask people about, so that I don't feel so chained up by this. What happened yesterday and this stupid power are both heavy in my mind.

A lot of talking, I think.

[x-foliate.livejournal.com]

There's no way I can really follow all these fab people with their advice giving, Angie-love.

I just want you to know that I've finished acting five-years-old and I'm here if you need me okay? I know that helps you none right now, but if you think of anything, I'm here. You have people who care, chickpea.

I'm sorry this had to happen to you. To any of us.

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

It does help, actually.

.. I feel a little bad, because there are people who are hurt and a mess and a wreck, and I'm just getting upset over dreams.

... you would't know how to get spackle out of hair, would you? I'm corraling the littles and they aren't very good with letting me know when it is on their hands.

[x-foliate.livejournal.com]

You have every right to be upset, goose.

I'm just going to finish up what I'm doing here and I'll come down to help you corral with my supreme spackle out of hair knowledge.