I am always using this deck again forever.

[xp_tarot]

I am never using any other tarot deck ever again.

That is a lie, but this one has made this meeting so much less boring.

Comments

[xp_cypher]

ooh, yay, it arrived! It was still on back order the last I checked.

[xp_tarot]

It just arrived this morning! It is a very good deck. Shuffles well, very fun.

Do you want a reading?

Does anyone? I am only just listening to this telecon and it is DULL. I will do readings! I may not intrepret them but I will shuffle and lay out cards.

[xp_darcy]

I do love those, but pasta divination worked out so well last time that I'm not sure I'd want to change methods now.

[xp_tarot]

Clearly we need a deck themed around pasta, and we can just have the best of both worlds.

Also now I am hungry and I want stuffed shells. The cards say it is time for me to find the menu for the italian place.

[xp_daredevil]

what's so awesome about it?

[xp_tarot]

It is called The Audacity and it is a very

... I do not have the right word in English for this. It is a very quirky deck of tarot cards with alternate cards. No suites - so no cups, pentacles, etc. It is all Arcana and so there is "The Tea" and "Two of Deez" and "The Influencer" but also some of the traditional cards such as "Strength" and "The Empress"

[xp_tarot]

The Past - The Child --

(This card shows a dark haired child of indeterminate age somewhere between perhaps six and ten in a black tunic wearing a crown. The child is holding a stick and a loose string with stars tied to the ends. The child is floating over three leafy green trees, and is in front of a crescent moon with a face and a sky with three clouds and many five pointed yellow stars in assorted sizes.)

This card is here to remind you to let go of your burden and your adulting for the time being and remember what it was like to be carefree. Your inner child needs attention and this card is coming up to remind you to relax and play today. Dance, sing, make cupcakes, paint your nails, binge a new series, do whatever brings you back to a sense of innocence and peace.

The Present - The Lovers --

(This card shows two skeletons facing each other. One skeleton is wearing a flower crown of red roses. They are holding hands, and in the same hands holding poppies and greenery. In front of the skeletons are three pink flowers, and behind them is the sky with a sun and crescent moon and two disembodied hands holding small snakes.)

You're committed. You're in it for the long haul, nothing is going to change your mind. You're willing to go to your grave. Whatever you are asking about is here to stay.

Hidden Influences - The Audacity --

(This card shows a single skeleton in front of a patterned rainbow. One of the rainbow bands has eyes, one has crecent moons, one has leaves. The skeleton is holding an oar, and seated upon a black stormcloud. The cloud is floating above a field of orange and pink poppies. There is also a giant single eye in the sky.)

Just when you thought it was safe to smell the roses, the utter audacity of someone or something is coming to rain on your parade. This is the ultimate wake up call, the card to end all cards. Give the boot to cheaters, users, couch surfers, energy vampires, fair-weather friends, toxic bosses and last week's rotten produce that has the audacity to mold.

Advice - The Slice --

(This card shows a giant floating piece of cheese and pepperoni pizza. The cheese is melted and slightly drippy. A dagger held by a skeleton hand punctures the slice of pizza in the middle.)

Anyway you slice it, you're hooked. You're besotted. You're smitted. You're completed obsessed. You are in it deep with all the toppings. Whatever it is you are fixated on has all of your attention. It's stuck to you like gooey cheese and you deserve it.

Possible Outcome - Two of Deez --

(This card shows a skeleton wearing a red coat and a fedora, pointing with both hands at his pelvis. Between his legs are two acorns. The skeleton has one foot up on a tree stump. There is a squirrel on the stump, and two squirrels on the ground looking at the acorns)

The time has come to guide those in question to the Two of Deez. Chestnuts, balls, nads, family jewels, nuts, cojones. You get the idea.

[xp_trance]

With all the new adventures seemingly appearing in my path, I have to admit I am a bit curious?

[xp_tarot]

I am finally done this teleconference but I am still doing readings.

Past - The Hermit -- You've been in a constant fight-or-flight, introvert/extrovert cycle for a while now. You want friends but love being alone. You are overwhelmed but bored simultaneously. You crave understanding yet everyone annoys you. How can you do little things to achieve more of a sense of balance. Take baby steps.

Present - The Cold Shoulder -- Not all things require a response. Silence can speak volumes, sometimes the healthiest decision is to enforce boundaries, turn the other cheek and shoulder, and walk away.

Hidden Influences - Perseverance -- Your journey will not be easy or comfortable, but you will come out the other side if you stay the course. Anything that is worth having or keeping will take discipline, sacrifice and commitment. If you want it, and put in the work, it's yours! Believe it!

Advice - The Gardener --Time to focus on your thoughts. The flowers of all the tomorrows are in the seeds of today. In what ways are you nurturing your future? The thoughts we think are the seeds we plant. Are you growing flowers or weeds?

Possible Outcome - The Mom Boss -- You are the boss of all you do. You do it all and you do it well. At this point, your own flesh could peel from your body and you'd keep typing on your laptop. You are an expert multi-tasker but you could learn to delegate. Give up some control and start handing things off.

[xp_hawkeye]

Alright, I'll bite. Please do me a reading, Miss Tarot.

[xp_tarot]

Past - The Tower -- You are plummeting and you are scared, but you'll survive. We all go through a major shake-up. Just be sure you're not capitalizing on the drama and glorifying the negative for your own ego or for social media likes.

Present - The Burned Bridge -- As disappointing and disruptive as endings can be, the universe always has your best interest at heart. Divorce and treacherous breakups, disingenuous fair-weather friends, narcissistic family members, toxic workplaces, even abusive habits towards yourself. Burn baby, burn.

Hidden Influence - The Bottle -- What are you bottling up? Your precious gifts are meant to be given away. Step into your power, your authenticity, and your flow, by relaxing into the essence of who you really are.

Advice - The Last Hurrah -- You may be fighting a losing battle, but you're digging your heels into your horse for one last yee-haw. Even when all signs point to plummeting to a swift death, you at least keep a good attitude about it. Your loyalty is admirable.

Potential Outcome - The Life of the Party --The world is going to shit and you're still getting up with a smile on your face. Are you the ultimate optimist or are you in denial? Either way, does it really matter right now? Only you know the answer to that. In the mean time, lets party!

[xp_sylocke]

May I participate?

[xp_tarot]

Past - The Fiddle-Leaf Fig -- Give it up. Regardless of your boho woven planter basket, your fiddleleaf fig will die a slow and painful death. Leaf by leaf, until you're left with nothing but a crispy stub and an eighty-nine dollar hole in your pocket. Despite your best intentions, strict watering schedule, fertilizer, dutiful misting and perfectly positioned grow lights, it's not happening. Let it go. Be free of the fig. Find a lower maintenance or plastic plant to satiate your black thumb.

Present - The Coffee -- What are you overlooking and taking for granted? How can you pause and sip the coffee? Are you rushing through your day because you are in a hurry or because you are avoiding things that need attention and are easier to put aside?

Hidden Influences - Perseverance -- Your journey will not be easy or comfortable, but you will come out the other side if you stay the course. Anything that is worth having or keeping will take discipline, sacrifice and commitment. If you want it, and put in the work, it's yours! Believe it!

Advice - The Sun -- -- The sun comes into our lives to nurture, grow, warm and signal a new day. But as integral as the sun is to our life as we know it, the sun can also burn. It is time to turn the page, start a new chapter and not dwell on the past. Tomorrow is another day.

Potential Outcome - The Tea -- You've been soaking in the bitter tannin for so long, it's time to let go. whatever it is that's marinating in your soul is no longer needed. This card is for release, levity, sharing your burden with others and moving on.

[xp_skin]

OK, can I have one? You always get it right.

[xp_tarot]

Of course!

Past - Two of Deez -- The time has come to guide those in question to the Two of Deez. Chestnuts, balls, nads, family jewels, nuts, cojones. You get the idea.

Present - The Bottle -- What are you bottling up? Your precious gifts are meant to be given away. Step into your power, your authenticity, and your flow, by relaxing into the essence of who you really are.

Hidden Influences - Perseverance -- Your journey will not be easy or comfortable, but you will come out the other side if you stay the course. Anything that is worth having or keeping will take discipline, sacrifice and commitment. If you want it, and put in the work, it's yours! Believe it!

Advice - The Devil -- You are your own worst enemy. It's easy to get wrapped up in all the things that are going wrong around you, point fingers, make excuses. It's also easy to assume the worst about people who don't necessarily agree with you. But ultimately take a long hard look in the mirror and make sure you are taking responsibility for the role you play in this situation. Pulling this card means it's time for some compassion for others - and yourself.

Potential Outcome - The Dead End Job -- Nine to Five, and then Six, Seven, Eight. Your workday is never-ending, your boss is toxic, your co-workers are cringe-worthy, your customers are Karens, but still you answer the phone with a chipper greeting. Nancy needs to release her internalized rage via a CC'd "As per my last email", Phyllis needs to cry over her euthanized cat over coffee. There must be some kinda way out of here, go to the light quick before your soul gets sucked into the vending machine.

[xp_nightcrawler]

I would like a reading also, please.

[xp_tarot]

Past - The Moon -- You glow differently when you are powered by your own gravity. How have you been judging yourself? How can you be gentler on yourself? While each visible phase of the moon wanes and waxes, just like your own personal cycles, you are whole and enough in and of yourself. This is only temporary, this will pass.

Present - The Last Hurrah --You may be fighting a losing battle, but you're digging your heels into your horse for one last yee-haw. Even when all signs point to plummeting to a swift death, you at least keep a good attitude about it. Your loyalty is admirable.

Hidden Influences - The Mother -- In what ways have you mothering everyone around you? It's time to mother yourself. When is the last time you took a minute, an hour, a day to nurture yourself? Whatever self-care looks like for you, this card is your sign that it is time to turn your energy inward.

Advice - The Audacity -- Just when you thought it was safe to smell the roses, the utter audacity of someone or something is coming to rain on your parade. This is the ultimate wake up call, the card to end all cards. Give the boot to cheaters, users, couch surfers, energy vampires, fair-weather friends, toxic bosses and last week's rotten produce that has the audacity to mold.

Potential Outcome - Perseverance -- Your journey will not be easy or comfortable, but you will come out the other side if you stay the course. Anything that is worth having or keeping will take discipline, sacrifice and commitment. If you want it, and put in the work, it's yours! Believe it!

[xp_blackcat]

...okay, my ego won out, me please, but let's keep the luck gang on speed dial in case this breaks something

[xp_tarot]

So far nothing broken except a nail and that was several readings ago. I have knocked on wood, thrown salt and Doug turned counter clockwise in his chair three times.




The Past - Strength -- You don't need to accomplish anything to be strong. To be valuable. Sometimes strength can be gentle. Strength can be as simple as holding space for your truest self, or steadying your hands in the jaws of what would destroy you. You hve the courage to hold it together in the fac eof your worst nightmare. Unperturbed, you can face your shadow and get to the other side of what scares you.

The Present - - The Star -- It is your time and you are relishing in it. You finally topped triple digit likes on your social media post. Your ex drunk texted you. Your nemesis got cancelled. and your complexion is looking pretty clear today. All in all, it's a winning day. Just don't trip on your train and fall face first down the stairs. The paparazzi are ready for their click bait and tabloid photos. Stay humble.

Hidden Influences - - The Devil -- You are your own worst enemy. It's easy to get wrapped up in all the things that are going wrong around you, point fingers, make excuses. It's also easy to assume the worst about people who don't necessarily agree with you. But ultimately take a long hard look in the mirror and make sure you are taking responsibility for the role you play in this situation. Pulling this card means it's time for some compassion for others - and yourself.

Advice - The Coffee -- What are you overlooking and taking for granted? How can you pause and sip the coffee? Are you rushing through your day because you are in a hurry or because you are avoiding things that need attention and are easier to put aside?

Possible Outcome - The Moon -- You glow differently when you are powered by your own gravity. How have you been judging yourself? How can you be gentler on yourself? While each visible phase of the moon wanes and waxes, just like your own personal cycles, you are whole and enough in and of yourself. This is only temporary, this will pass.

[xp_topaz]

If there are any spontaneous trips in my future, please lie

[xp_tarot]

Past - Death -- Use the light from your own fire to embolden yourself and others. Hold onto the light, even if you light yourself up in the process. Prioritize yourself, your health, your emotional well being above anyone else at this time.

Present - The Gardener -- Time to focus on your thoughts. The flowers of all the tomorrows are in the seeds of today. In what ways are you nurturing your future? The thoughts we think are the seeds we plant. Are you growing flowers or weeds?

Hidden Influences - The Tea -- You've been soaking in the bitter tannin for so long, it's time to let go. whatever it is that's marinating in your soul is no longer needed. This card is for release, levity, sharing your burden with others and moving on.

Advice - The Mother -- In what ways have you mothering everyone around you? It's time to mother yourself. When is the last time you took a minute, an hour, a day to nurture yourself? Whatever self-care looks like for you, this card is your sign that it is time to turn your energy inward.

Potential Outcome - The Empress -- You do it all, and you do it with ease. You have a remarkable ability to be one step in your body and one step out into the spirit realm. You are the ultimate queen and nothing knocks you off your throne. This is a message from beyond to keep your eyes wide open, stay centered, and rule with confidence and ease.

[xp_mayhem]

I've never had a card reading done, but all of these have looked very interesting. If you've got the energy, would you mind doing one for me?

[xp_tarot]

Past - The Audacity -- Just when you thought it was safe to smell the roses, the utter audacity of someone or something is coming to rain on your parade. This is the ultimate wake up call, the card to end all cards. Give the boot to cheaters, users, couch surfers, energy vampires, fair-weather friends, toxic bosses and last week's rotten produce that has the audacity to mold.

Present - The Child -- This card is here to remind you to let go of your burden and your adulting for the time being and remember what it was like to be carefree. Your inner child needs attention and this card is coming up to remind you to relax and play today. Dance, sing, make cupcakes, paint your nails, binge a new series, do whatever brings you back to a sense of innocence and peace.

Hidden Influences - The Mom Boss -- You are the boss of all you do. You do it all and you do it well. At this point, your own flesh could peel from your body and you'd keep typing on your laptop. You are an expert multi-tasker but you could learn to delegate. Give up some control and start handing things off.

Advice - The Moon -- You glow differently when you are powered by your own gravity. How have you been judging yourself? How can you be gentler on yourself? While each visible phase of the moon wanes and waxes, just like your own personal cycles, you are whole and enough in and of yourself. This is only temporary, this will pass.

Possible Outcome - The Life of the Party -- The world is going to shit and you're still getting up with a smile on your face. Are you the ultimate optimist or are you in denial? Either way, does it really matter right now? Only you know the answer to that. In the mean time, lets party!

[xp_darcy]

Kevin said "whatever Lewis, just leave the bottle and get out of my office so I can concentrate" when I asked if he wanted you to read his cards and that sounds like permission to me!

[xp_tarot]

I am sure Kevin will see this and tell us a story about how he knows the person who invented the Chicken Nugget.



The Past - The Zoom Meeting -- Cut the crap. So many unnecessary meetings, routines, relationships. We go through the motions even while we are on fire. It's okay to say no, declutter your life without the guilt.

The Present - The Sun -- The sun comes into our lives to nurture, grow, warm and signal a new day. But as integral as the sun is to our life as we know it, the sun can also burn. It is time to turn the page, start a new chapter and not dwell on the past. Tomorrow is another day.

Hidden Influences - The Devil -- You are your own worst enemy. It's easy to get wrapped up in all the things that are going wrong around you, point fingers, make excuses. It's also easy to assume the worst about people who don't necessarily agree with you. But ultimately take a long hard look in the mirror and make sure you are taking responsibility for the role you play in this situation. Pulling this card means it's time for some compassion for others - and yourself.

Advice - The Coffee -- What are you overlooking and taking for granted? How can you pause and sip the coffee? Are you rushing through your day because you are in a hurry or because you are avoiding things that need attention and are easier to put aside?

Potential Outcome - The Chicken Nugget -- Perhaps one of the most under-valued foods, the chicken nugget. If all else fails, we always have the chicken nugget. You are steadfast, reliable, crispy with a soft center, flexible with your condiments and universal. You are humble and classy and everyone likes you.

[xp_echo]

If some enormous marshmellow creature eats the mansion, I’m blaming you.