FINE.

[xp_tarot]

I cannot help anyone, I cannot fix anything, and when I try, people stop me.

I am tired of this.

When I do not try to understand what I see, people get hurt. When I -do-, I get my cards and notebook taken away "for my own good" and by my own BOYFRIEND.

When I am nice and polite, I cannot be honest, and I get accused of talking behind people's backs. When I am honest, I am obviously wrong, and too hard on people.

I am tired of this. I am tired of having to be what everyone else wants me to be. I am tired of being too harsh for people are who nice and happy and too happy for the people who are miserable. I am sick and tired of trying to pretend like I do not hurt, that I am not tired and full of stress.

I cannot help anyone, the people who are supposed to help me do not care enough, and I have to keep helping them instead. I still have headaches, I still do not understand what I see. My mentor breaks his brain twice a month, my boyfriend cannot be bothered to wake up in time on his own for classes, and it is not like we have -done- anything in over a month.

My so-called friends barely speak to me, too busy with all their own problems.

You can all go to hell.

Comments

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

-Everyone- knows I am precognitive. Everyone knows I have insomnia and nightmares. Has anyone checked on me when I look tired? Not generally, no.

My guidance counselor could care less. Probably because I had a small crush on him a year and a half ago. Who knows? Not me.

Dr. MacTaggart has Nathan to worry about, and her powers classes for people who blow things up. Nathan has Amanda -and- Jubilee now. Ms. Frost has Jono and Manuel.

I am a bit tired of being invisible.

[x-vega.livejournal.com]

Well, you have people's attention now, Marie-Ange.

You are responsible enough to seek help when you need it. That's what adults do. And, unfair or not, I am making the assumptiong that you are a young adult. If I am incorrect, feel free to say so, I will adjust my treatment of you accordingly.

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

I did the last time! I tried to get help.

...

Hell.

I am not giving up, I just do not know what else to do anymore. I want to -help-. I do not want to keep seeing people die or get hurt.

[x-vega.livejournal.com]

I will keep that in mind. Being a precognitive is one of the more stressful mutations, I'm not in any way denying that this is frustrating to you.

I hope you will bring your dissatisfaction to Dr. Samson's attention as promptly as possible. He has an obligation to meet your needs, Marie-Ange. Patronizing you and stifling you are not sufficient. Do make sure to let him know that is how you feel so that he can adjust his approach.

If you think that the stress you are under will affect your ability to work for me, please let me know as soon as you are certain. I would not like to see a task that someone else can easily be hired to do aggravate the situation.

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

I will talk to Dr. Samson the first thing in the morning.

I have been a T-A through more stress than this. I do not think it will affect me, unless you tend to be a harder taskmaster than Ms. Frost, and I am quite certain that is unlikely.

..

[x-vega.livejournal.com]

Very unlikely. I hope you can rest before you see Dr Samson tomorrow.

[x-reyes.livejournal.com]

You're precognitive? Really? I didn't know that. Guess that makes me a nobody.

If you need something for your trouble sleeping, honey, I can meet you in medlab, and we can see what we can come up with.

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

Sedatives do not work on me properly. The doctors tried. I appriciate the offer though.

[xp_daytripper]

I can't remember if my sleeping potions _do_ work, but we can always try and see - they work well enough on Nate.

I don't know if you need space or not - if you don't, I'll be right there, roomie. If you do, I can find somewhere else to sleep tonight. But I hope it's the first, since I want to help out. Especially considering some of all this is down to me and my shite.

[x-mactaggart.livejournal.com]

Angie, my powers class is not just for people who blow things up. Kitty and Cecilia have signed up, for instance. It's simply a time slot to work on powers--regardless of what they do.

Yes, I have Nathan to worry about--but that doesn't mean I stop worrying about everyone else. Have I been remiss? It looks like I have--and I'm sorry for that.

If you feel that I have let you down, then I apologize.

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

I do not want to be a pest! Time I take up with you is time you could use for Jono or Alex or even Jubilee.

Huh?

[x-jubilee.livejournal.com]

Why is Nathan worrying about me?

[x-pete.livejournal.com]

Your guidance counsellor does give a toss, but is not psychic, and needs to be told in so many words "I'm having a problem and I'd like some bloody help."

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

Can I just pretend I said that now instead of retyping it and feeling very silly?