FINE.

[xp_tarot]

I cannot help anyone, I cannot fix anything, and when I try, people stop me.

I am tired of this.

When I do not try to understand what I see, people get hurt. When I -do-, I get my cards and notebook taken away "for my own good" and by my own BOYFRIEND.

When I am nice and polite, I cannot be honest, and I get accused of talking behind people's backs. When I am honest, I am obviously wrong, and too hard on people.

I am tired of this. I am tired of having to be what everyone else wants me to be. I am tired of being too harsh for people are who nice and happy and too happy for the people who are miserable. I am sick and tired of trying to pretend like I do not hurt, that I am not tired and full of stress.

I cannot help anyone, the people who are supposed to help me do not care enough, and I have to keep helping them instead. I still have headaches, I still do not understand what I see. My mentor breaks his brain twice a month, my boyfriend cannot be bothered to wake up in time on his own for classes, and it is not like we have -done- anything in over a month.

My so-called friends barely speak to me, too busy with all their own problems.

You can all go to hell.

Comments

[x-shinobi.livejournal.com]

Since I'm already going to hell, I think I'll take my chances in replying. Besides, I don't like seeing people I'm fond of in such upset.

I'm not going to address any of the specifics, though. What I will do is ask if there's anything I can do. I'm very easy to rant at, I'm told, and my door is always open - though if it would be a loud rant, perhaps we should go outside, so we wouldn't disturb Sam.

You're welcome to reiterate the 'go to hell', of course, but it won't do much good. Already going there. Being told to do it doesn't really upset me.

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

Where the hell were you when I killed someone, Shinobi? Where were you when Manuel got into my head and tried to force me to tell him what I saw?

If you cared, you would have said something -before- I had to go and make a scene.

[x-shinobi.livejournal.com]

I was in Boston, I believe, helping someone kill six people.

You're right, though. You are making a scene.

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

You were here, because Sarah was here for her exams. Evil Jamie kidnapped Miles and Artie. Maybe you might remember this?

[x-vega.livejournal.com]

This is why the school employs one of the finest child psychiatrists in the country, Marie-Ange. I'll drop Dr Samson a note this evening so that he can make time for you tomorrow. Your legs aren't broken, neither is your mind, and you're obviously capable of expressing yourself fully. There should be no hindrance to you resolving this issue once you have an appointment. If you need any assistance in finding his office, I'll be happy to help you.

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

I already -see- Dr. Samson, Paul.

I have for several months. Once a week. We talk about my stupid visions and how I should not have to feel like I must help everyone.

Because of course, my power cannot -possibly- be useful and I should never try to push it to help anyone. That might mean he would not have any new patients here.

[x-vega.livejournal.com]

Then you should go and see him and tell him this instead of throwing a public tantrum. I thought better of you than that. You are perfectly capable of speaking up for yourself, both with Dr Samson and with anyone else. This, as Shinobi points out, is a scene.

Your power cannot be useful? That's ridiculous and you know it. There are instances on record of some of your mutation's functions being quite useful.

Should you push it? No, you shouldn't, not without supervision and assistance. That's absolutely correct. You can probably damage yourself just as fast with your power as I can damage myself with mine. You should no more push yourself too far with it than you should train too hard without a coach.

And the idea that Dr Samson is holding you back is really silly. I have no other word for it.

You should absolutely not feel like you need to help everyone. Precognitives can suffer psychological damage from the effects of their gifts, on many levels. Depression, addiction, and suicide are very real dangers. If you want to put your gifts to a practical use, perhaps you should enlist in Dr McTaggart's powers training, if you have not done so already.

Now you know...

[x-empath.livejournal.com]

how I feel.

In just about all particulars.

So I empathize. Of course, I know what you think about me and my thinking habits, so this will not mean a damned thing to you.

But I do understand.

Manuel

Re: Now you know...

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

And of course, you chime in. I expected as much.

Can you -ever- try to say ANYTHING nice without tainting it with your usual brand of self-involved whining?

That /was/ nice.

[x-empath.livejournal.com]

Let's not lie to one another.

Manuel

[x-crowdofone.livejournal.com]

Angie, I'm really sorry if I've been ignoring you lately. I mean, yeah, Kitty just got back, and I'm worried about Lorna and Alex, but that's not really an excuse with my powers.

Do you want to, I dunno, go riding, or something, once you feel more like company?

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

It is not you. It ...

I am just a jerk. I am sorry. I did not mean to imply that everyone was ignoring me. I just did not think before I posted.

Riding or something would be good.

[x-crowdofone.livejournal.com]

Hey, everybody has a bad day. And it's not like we've had the most stress-free summer vacation here. :)

Let me know when you want to go--I go out just about every day, because I think Miles and I both kinda tend to spoil Misty just a little and regular exercise helps with that.

[x-cypher.livejournal.com]

I would come looking for you right now, Angie, but I can't help feeling like I'd be the last person you'd want to see right now. Also...I don't really know what to say. I want to help, I want...

Okay, I suspect that most of this is about me not putting enough effort in. I'm sorry if I've been ignoring you, or taking you for granted, or making you feel like you put all the effort into this relationship.

I love you. Period. No conditions, no clauses, nothing. I'm human, and sometimes I screw up, and there are days when I wonder what it is you see in me, but don't ever doubt that I love you. And if I've been taking you for granted lately, just tell me and I'll work on fixing that.

...

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

I said this last night, but I think it needs to be said in public. I do not appriciate you half as much as you deserve.

Thank you for not booting me out last night. Thank you for letting me stay and for not being mad at me when I probably did deserve it anyway.

[x-cable.livejournal.com]

Angie, I'd say I'd come find you right now, but I think you have company now, if I'm reading the discussion above properly, so I won't intrude. Tomorrow, though... I'll come and find you tomorrow. The Askani have been showing me all sorts of new meditative exercises since I've been back. I think some of them may help you. We've kept meaning to talk to their precogs, haven't we? For a while now. I haven't forgotten what we talked about after Asgard. We can get back on track, if that's what you want.

I'm sorry...

[xp_daytripper]

You want to know something? You're my mate, whether you're nice or not-nice, happy or pissed off like you are now. You put up with all the fucking dramas of the last few weeks, and for that I'm really sorry. I should've told you what was going on, even tho' I was so disgusted with meself I couldn't even tell Pete. But it doesn't mean you don't help - bloody hell, you think I'd let just anyone see the state I was in the other week? You're part of a very select club that's had me snot on them. *grins*

Anything I can do, anything at all, I'll do. I don't always know to do it, which is where the letting me know comes in, but if you do let me know, I'll be there. Even if it's to zap you with a sleeping spell before you lose your marbles entirely, or lend you some of my more angry music. Sid and the boys are great for being pissed off at the world to. ;)

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

All the Speech classes in the world, I do not think will ever help me be able to figure out what I should say to people who offer to help me even when I am throwing a temper tantrum, except thank you.

Tantrums are theraputic...

[xp_daytripper]

At least, they are sometimes. Yours didn't hurt anyone or break anything, so I think it's probably a good one. You have to let stuff like this out sometimes, Frenchie, otherwise you'd explode.

And I'm really wishing I weren't grounded right now, since I'd get you and the Pants to come clubbing, which is the other therapy since you aren't as horsey a person as me. ;) Although that's no reason why I can't arrange a clubbing night for everyone else... Think about it, music, dancing, letting yourself go for a while...?

[x-blink.livejournal.com]

I tried to help you when we were roommates, but you brushed me off and I didn't really know how to help. You just yelled at me when I was trying not to be stupid and I brought you cookies and made sure you were comfortable in bed and tried not to upset you further.

so I stopped. I thought you had your friends and didn't need someone you thought was stupid trying to help you because you were Marie-Ange and could handle anything. guess I was wrong.

but don't say no one tried to help you, at least a bit.

...

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

Clarice, I honestly only remember you bringing me pudding, and if I never properly thanked you for that, I should have.

It helped. I am not sure if anyone told you how much chocolate really -does- help - it tends to reduce the headaches to a manageable level.

I have not been the best roommate of late, and I did not mean to yell at you so much. I am sorry.

Re: ...

[x-blink.livejournal.com]

you're welcome.

You don't need to.

[x-jubilee.livejournal.com]

Help people that is. People aren't valued for how much they help other people. Just for who they are. You got friends that care about you cause of just being you. It sucks sometimes to see people hurting or having bad shit happen to them and not being able to fix it. But that's kinda life, you know?

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, Angie. Wish I could say something that would make it better.

Re: You don't need to.

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

_You_ are bloody unlikely to be able to help me anytime soon.

I do not want your vaulted advice, I do not want you commenting on my upsets and I do not want your opinion.

Re: You don't need to.

[x-jubilee.livejournal.com]

*shrugs*

Right.