FINE.

[xp_tarot]

I cannot help anyone, I cannot fix anything, and when I try, people stop me.

I am tired of this.

When I do not try to understand what I see, people get hurt. When I -do-, I get my cards and notebook taken away "for my own good" and by my own BOYFRIEND.

When I am nice and polite, I cannot be honest, and I get accused of talking behind people's backs. When I am honest, I am obviously wrong, and too hard on people.

I am tired of this. I am tired of having to be what everyone else wants me to be. I am tired of being too harsh for people are who nice and happy and too happy for the people who are miserable. I am sick and tired of trying to pretend like I do not hurt, that I am not tired and full of stress.

I cannot help anyone, the people who are supposed to help me do not care enough, and I have to keep helping them instead. I still have headaches, I still do not understand what I see. My mentor breaks his brain twice a month, my boyfriend cannot be bothered to wake up in time on his own for classes, and it is not like we have -done- anything in over a month.

My so-called friends barely speak to me, too busy with all their own problems.

You can all go to hell.

Comments

Re: ..

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

Maybe I need to start having someone else look at these things...

They do not make sense to -me- at all most of the time.

Re: ..

[xp_daytripper]

And that's where I've been slack - let me talk to Rom and Strange and see if we can't get some more on clairvoyance. True clairvoyance is rare in the magic community, but it does exist, and it tends to be on the lines of obscure symbolic dreams and such. There has to be something somewhere on the finer points of interpreting what you see.

Re: ..

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

Even if I could just find someone who understands personally how damnably frustrating it is to see things and not have any idea what they mean.

I have a whole notebook full of what I've seen...

well, I think I still have it. I .. sort.. of threw it somewhere at Doug's head right after my post.

Re: ..

[xp_daytripper]

Strange is coming by this Saturday - with the grounding, he's coming to me. Want to meet up with him and talk about it? If he doesn't know anything specific himself, he can find it, easy. The bookish ones are good for that sort of thing.

Re: ..

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

I would love to talk to him. Even if I have to bury myself in books, anything would help right now.