FINE.

[xp_tarot]

I cannot help anyone, I cannot fix anything, and when I try, people stop me.

I am tired of this.

When I do not try to understand what I see, people get hurt. When I -do-, I get my cards and notebook taken away "for my own good" and by my own BOYFRIEND.

When I am nice and polite, I cannot be honest, and I get accused of talking behind people's backs. When I am honest, I am obviously wrong, and too hard on people.

I am tired of this. I am tired of having to be what everyone else wants me to be. I am tired of being too harsh for people are who nice and happy and too happy for the people who are miserable. I am sick and tired of trying to pretend like I do not hurt, that I am not tired and full of stress.

I cannot help anyone, the people who are supposed to help me do not care enough, and I have to keep helping them instead. I still have headaches, I still do not understand what I see. My mentor breaks his brain twice a month, my boyfriend cannot be bothered to wake up in time on his own for classes, and it is not like we have -done- anything in over a month.

My so-called friends barely speak to me, too busy with all their own problems.

You can all go to hell.

Comments

[x-vega.livejournal.com]

This is why the school employs one of the finest child psychiatrists in the country, Marie-Ange. I'll drop Dr Samson a note this evening so that he can make time for you tomorrow. Your legs aren't broken, neither is your mind, and you're obviously capable of expressing yourself fully. There should be no hindrance to you resolving this issue once you have an appointment. If you need any assistance in finding his office, I'll be happy to help you.

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

I already -see- Dr. Samson, Paul.

I have for several months. Once a week. We talk about my stupid visions and how I should not have to feel like I must help everyone.

Because of course, my power cannot -possibly- be useful and I should never try to push it to help anyone. That might mean he would not have any new patients here.

[x-vega.livejournal.com]

Then you should go and see him and tell him this instead of throwing a public tantrum. I thought better of you than that. You are perfectly capable of speaking up for yourself, both with Dr Samson and with anyone else. This, as Shinobi points out, is a scene.

Your power cannot be useful? That's ridiculous and you know it. There are instances on record of some of your mutation's functions being quite useful.

Should you push it? No, you shouldn't, not without supervision and assistance. That's absolutely correct. You can probably damage yourself just as fast with your power as I can damage myself with mine. You should no more push yourself too far with it than you should train too hard without a coach.

And the idea that Dr Samson is holding you back is really silly. I have no other word for it.

You should absolutely not feel like you need to help everyone. Precognitives can suffer psychological damage from the effects of their gifts, on many levels. Depression, addiction, and suicide are very real dangers. If you want to put your gifts to a practical use, perhaps you should enlist in Dr McTaggart's powers training, if you have not done so already.

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

There is -one- instance. ONE. Once in over a year.

I HAD a coach. He got shot, got kidnapped, got shot again, and then got brainwashed. None of which, I suppose is really his fault. Except that I saw the last one, and -he- stopped me from trying to figure out what I was seeing.

Maybe I am having a temper tantrum. Of course, I am the one who gets yelled at for it, when half a dozen other people could have one and not a word is said to them.

But this is, of course, typical. Who yelled at Jubilee? Who yells at Manuel? None of you lot, certainly.

I do not -care- if anyone expected better of me. I am tired of expectations. I am human, I am tired, and I am sick of no one caring enough to try to understand.

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

-Everyone- knows I am precognitive. Everyone knows I have insomnia and nightmares. Has anyone checked on me when I look tired? Not generally, no.

My guidance counselor could care less. Probably because I had a small crush on him a year and a half ago. Who knows? Not me.

Dr. MacTaggart has Nathan to worry about, and her powers classes for people who blow things up. Nathan has Amanda -and- Jubilee now. Ms. Frost has Jono and Manuel.

I am a bit tired of being invisible.

[x-vega.livejournal.com]

Well, you have people's attention now, Marie-Ange.

You are responsible enough to seek help when you need it. That's what adults do. And, unfair or not, I am making the assumptiong that you are a young adult. If I am incorrect, feel free to say so, I will adjust my treatment of you accordingly.

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

I did the last time! I tried to get help.

...

Hell.

I am not giving up, I just do not know what else to do anymore. I want to -help-. I do not want to keep seeing people die or get hurt.

[x-vega.livejournal.com]

I will keep that in mind. Being a precognitive is one of the more stressful mutations, I'm not in any way denying that this is frustrating to you.

I hope you will bring your dissatisfaction to Dr. Samson's attention as promptly as possible. He has an obligation to meet your needs, Marie-Ange. Patronizing you and stifling you are not sufficient. Do make sure to let him know that is how you feel so that he can adjust his approach.

If you think that the stress you are under will affect your ability to work for me, please let me know as soon as you are certain. I would not like to see a task that someone else can easily be hired to do aggravate the situation.

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

I will talk to Dr. Samson the first thing in the morning.

I have been a T-A through more stress than this. I do not think it will affect me, unless you tend to be a harder taskmaster than Ms. Frost, and I am quite certain that is unlikely.

..

[x-vega.livejournal.com]

Very unlikely. I hope you can rest before you see Dr Samson tomorrow.

[x-reyes.livejournal.com]

You're precognitive? Really? I didn't know that. Guess that makes me a nobody.

If you need something for your trouble sleeping, honey, I can meet you in medlab, and we can see what we can come up with.

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

Sedatives do not work on me properly. The doctors tried. I appriciate the offer though.

[xp_daytripper]

I can't remember if my sleeping potions _do_ work, but we can always try and see - they work well enough on Nate.

I don't know if you need space or not - if you don't, I'll be right there, roomie. If you do, I can find somewhere else to sleep tonight. But I hope it's the first, since I want to help out. Especially considering some of all this is down to me and my shite.

[x-mactaggart.livejournal.com]

Angie, my powers class is not just for people who blow things up. Kitty and Cecilia have signed up, for instance. It's simply a time slot to work on powers--regardless of what they do.

Yes, I have Nathan to worry about--but that doesn't mean I stop worrying about everyone else. Have I been remiss? It looks like I have--and I'm sorry for that.

If you feel that I have let you down, then I apologize.

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

I do not want to be a pest! Time I take up with you is time you could use for Jono or Alex or even Jubilee.

Huh?

[x-jubilee.livejournal.com]

Why is Nathan worrying about me?

[x-pete.livejournal.com]

Your guidance counsellor does give a toss, but is not psychic, and needs to be told in so many words "I'm having a problem and I'd like some bloody help."

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

Can I just pretend I said that now instead of retyping it and feeling very silly?

[x-vega.livejournal.com]

You obviously are tired, Marie-Ange. No one is yelling at you and I have not been around to witness any of the other public scenes, nor are any of the others being thrown by my teaching assistant. Your insistence that no one cares, in this place, is nothing short of ludicrous. This is the most annoyingly caring place I have been in during my thirty-four years.

If you can cite me a single example of when you approached a teacher - other than Nathan and he is exempt here because he damn well should not have been trying to teach anyway - and been rejected or your problems minimalized, I will be shocked.